Scene: A forest. Dickon sits at the foot of a tree, whittling a piece of wood and watching a young deer drink at a stream. Edward enters, crouched.

 D: Don’t tha’ move. It’d flight ‘im.

 E: Pardon?  

 D: Tha’ cannae startle ‘im. If tha’ makes a quick move, tha’ will cause ‘im flight.

 E: I’m a hundred years old. I’ve studied as a doctor. I’m a fucking genius. And I have no idea what you are talking about.

 D: I move slow an’ speak gentle.

 E: Yes, you certainly do. Very slow. Are you a werewolf? You smell like a dog.

 D: (chuckles) Sometimes I think p’raps I’m a bird, or a fox, or a rabbit, or a squirrel, or even a beetle, an’ I don’t know it.

 E: (moving closer) Really? A fox?

 D: Aye. I’m one of ‘em. We mun become one o’ em’ if they might trust us. Aye, that we mun.

 E: So… you’re an animal? Really an animal? You do smell like one.  

 D: ‘Ent naught as nice as the smell o’ the forest an’ the scent o’ good clean earth.

 E: (moving closer) You smell good to me.

D: Eh-h-h-h. Many a day I jus’ sniff and sniff. My nose end fair quivers. I soak it up ‘til I’m as fat an’ hungry as a young fox… Thou hast a queer look on tha’s face.

 E: I’m hungry. Ravenous, in fact.

 D: Aye, thou puts me in mind o’ young Bella…

 E: (startled) Bella?

 D: Ah, don’ mind me, my mind jumps like a young rabbit. I meant young Mary. She looked a mite like you, all pale and contrary an’ ‘ungry. But there doesn’t seem to be no need for no one to be contrary when there’s flowers an’ such like, an’ such lots o’ friendly wild things runnin’ about makin’ homes for themselves, does there?

 E: ….

 D: Thee mun eat thou’s victuals! A bit ‘o fat will do thee good. As might some sunshine… Thee art pale as poor Colin – afore he walked, that is.

 E: You’re pretty fat. Actually, you remind me of Mike Newton. He’s fat.

 D: Is that so? I mun meet ‘im then… I like all manner of folks, and all manner of folks find in me a friend. This Mike sounds like a bit o’ a’right. Ehhh – thou looks afrighted! Thinks I to myself I never set eyes on an uglier, sourer faced young ‘un, but tha’rt not half so ugly when it’s that way an’ there’s a bit o’ red in tha’ cheeks.

 E: Did you just call me ugly?

 The deer comes closer

 D: Keep thee quiet, lad. We munnot stir. We munnot scarce breathe.

E: I never breathe. I’m a vampire.

 D: Us must keep still a bit an’ try to look as if us was grass an’ trees an’ bushes…

 E: What?

 D: Good, lad! Thee stands very still, like thee ‘art a tree or summat.

 E: That’s because I’m a vampire.

 D: Eh! Thee oughtn’t to stand there thinkin’ things like that. No lad could get well as thought them sort o’ things.

 E: I’m already dead.

 D: No! We mun get thee watchin’ an listenin’ an’ sniffin’ up th’ air an’ get thee just soaked through wi’ sunshine. An’ we munnot lose no time about it.

 Dickon drags Edward out into the sun

 D: Eh! Thee glows! Thee glows like the river, when th’ sun ‘its it jus’ right!

 E: I told you. I’m a vampire. I can’t believe you called me ugly. I’m beautiful. I’m a statue carved of fucking marble. I’m a god. I’m going to eat my lunch now.

 Edward moves to stalk the deer

 D: Aye, that thy mun. Tha’ll get fat an’ tha’ll get as hungry as a young fox. Eh! We’ll have a lot o’ fun

 E: You just called me a dog. I’m going to eat you. Fuck Carlisle. You’ll taste better than the deer.  

 D: (laughs) Eat me! Thee look’st as though thee could barely eat but a piece of bread! Thee…

 Edward sucks Dickon dry and glances up at the sky. A red robin perched on a branch catches the bright red glint of his eyes and chirps merrily as the deer, catching the scent of blood, moves swiftly back into the cover of the forest.